I found a new band that anyone who actually reads this blog should check out. They're called Article One. They're from London, Canada and have opened for Newsboys and Superchick. They have obvious influences from the Newsboys and MuteMath (one of the members of MuteMath produced their newest album), so the mixing is amazing. But my favorite thing about this band is the violin. You can actually hear him (Matt Piche) on every song, live and recorded, and he totally rocks out live. I just got back from seeing them play live in Butler, PA. I'm always inspired by artists who are trying to do something new. So check them out!
That being said...I really miss playing in a band. I have my violin with 3 effects pedals, a guitar, and now a mandolin, all of which I never get to use. It kills me on nights like this when I feel so inspired to create music but I have no avenue to do so. Watching the violinist in Article One made me want to pick up my violin and just start playing around. This part of me is just dying to get out. But Christ Church dissolved the youth band, Habbakuk will probably remain inactive, Brian and I can't seem to make our schedules mesh, and I'm an "opera singer" who listens to metal and alternative Christian music...where will an opportunity present itself? When?
I feel like I'm holding back a huge part of who I am while I wait to figure out what's next.
I'm so sick of waiting and being forced to squeeze into a mold that wasn't made for me. What if I'm not just a worship musician? An opera singer? A performer? A youth ministry assistant? Everyone wants me to pick, to define myself, to choose a peg hole to fit into. But in the process I'm losing chunks of myself...literally like forcing a square peg into a round hole. Sometimes I worry that I've already sacrificed so much of myself over the years that I'm no longer Louise. What if I'm just this conglomeration of other people's opinions and desires?
It's so hard to stand alone and try to be the unique mess God made you to be. I'm learning that not everything can be placed into a neat little box. The thing I really like about Article One's mixing is that it doesn't sound precise or even. The sound and effects have this give and take that makes the music sound a little gritty yet smooth. Your ear is always hearing something unexpected.
...I guess that's what I want my life to look like. A little unexpected and gritty, but smooth and enticing all in one. That's the whole idea of being the salt and light of the world...my life verses.
"You are the salt of the earth, but if that salt loses it's saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world..."
-Matthew 5:13-14 NIV
I'm a follower of Jesus, the ultimate mold-breaker.
Showing posts with label Matthew. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Matthew. Show all posts
Friday, January 30, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
He will not let your foot slip
Growing up sucks. I'm 23 and on the verge of stepping out of the undergraduate bubble I have been in for the past 5 years. I have to rely less on my parents and more on myself. I am blessed to have a family that has been able to provide for me along the way while also encouraging me to me self sufficient. There is no way I could have attended college without them and I am not ashamed of that level of dependency. But things are changing...and I got a huge reality check today.
My dad informed me on my 23rd birthday that I was no longer covered under the family's health insurance plan (yeah I know, happy birthday to me). That might not be such a big deal if I did not have a chronic illness that requires 6 prescriptions every month. For the last 6 years as a diabetic my co-pays for prescriptions have been very low. But today when I went to pick up 2 of them I had to pay the full price. I had to go outside, sit in my car and cry for about 10 minutes on the phone with my mom.
Let me explain why I freaked out. For these 2 particular prescriptions with my old insurance copay, I would have paid $10 total. Today I had to pay $145. That was for the 2 "cheapest" prescriptions I pick up once a month. Hence why I had to step outside. How am I going to afford these for the rest of my life (or until they cure type 1 diabetes) on a musician's/ministry salary?
For the next few months my parents are going to pay for my separate health insurance out of pocket, but soon I'll have to find a way to pay for it myself. I'm terrified. I don't know what I'm going to do. All of these "what ifs" are swirling around in my head. I'm not ready to be an adult. I want to move on but I am so scared to do it.
What if I fail?
The only thing that has kept me going is knowing that I serve a God who is good. God is faithful, always. God is constant and persistent. He will never leave me and He will never desert me. I am doomed to fail without Him...which means I cannot fail.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
-Psalm 121 NIV
"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have,
because God has said,
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?""
-Hebrews 13:5-6 NIV
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:33-34 NIV
Pray for me and pray that I take the passages above to heart.
God is good, all the time.
My dad informed me on my 23rd birthday that I was no longer covered under the family's health insurance plan (yeah I know, happy birthday to me). That might not be such a big deal if I did not have a chronic illness that requires 6 prescriptions every month. For the last 6 years as a diabetic my co-pays for prescriptions have been very low. But today when I went to pick up 2 of them I had to pay the full price. I had to go outside, sit in my car and cry for about 10 minutes on the phone with my mom.
Let me explain why I freaked out. For these 2 particular prescriptions with my old insurance copay, I would have paid $10 total. Today I had to pay $145. That was for the 2 "cheapest" prescriptions I pick up once a month. Hence why I had to step outside. How am I going to afford these for the rest of my life (or until they cure type 1 diabetes) on a musician's/ministry salary?
For the next few months my parents are going to pay for my separate health insurance out of pocket, but soon I'll have to find a way to pay for it myself. I'm terrified. I don't know what I'm going to do. All of these "what ifs" are swirling around in my head. I'm not ready to be an adult. I want to move on but I am so scared to do it.
What if I fail?
The only thing that has kept me going is knowing that I serve a God who is good. God is faithful, always. God is constant and persistent. He will never leave me and He will never desert me. I am doomed to fail without Him...which means I cannot fail.
"I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."
-Psalm 121 NIV
"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have,
because God has said,
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?""
-Hebrews 13:5-6 NIV
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:33-34 NIV
Pray for me and pray that I take the passages above to heart.
God is good, all the time.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Lead me On
"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked."
-Luke 12:48b NIV
God is making me into a leader...and it's freaking me out. My most recent trip home to FCEC proved that to me, followed by a few more encounters in Greenville. This wasn't subtle like last January when, while driving back to Morgantown after leading worship at FCEC, God called me to pursue music ministry. The past week and a half has been a punch in the face from the Holy Spirit, telling me to wake up. I fell asleep by the end of January and I needed a wake up call. Wednesday night was the final blow....
I left Spartanburg around 5:40 for Greenville, a 30 minute drive from campus. I was supposed to meet a friend at Coffee Underground to just hang out and possibly work on music. By the time I got there and found a parking space, it was 6:20...40 minutes before senior high EYC started. My friend was no where to be found. Apparently we had a slight miscommunication in who was going to be where and when.
Sooooo I'm only human and to be honest I was pissed. I've been dying to write lyrics and music for months now, and so far we haven't done anything together. And even though I knew the no-show wasn't intentional, I bitterly walked back to my car and drove over to the church. My anger was still brewing inside, so I called a friend to have a quick chat before I went in to practice the worship set. I took a breath, pulled myself together, and walked in.
Within seconds of walking in to the room where my friends were practicing I knew I was still upset. And I couldn't hide it. There was no way I would be able to practice without dealing with what was going on first. So I did the level-headed thing...I picked up my Bible and walked out of the room while they continued to run through a song. I found a quiet room not too far away and opened up to the Gospels. I flipped through the underlined passages, looking for an answer. Why was I so angry about something so stupid? And why did I try to put on a happy face with my friends instead of talking about it? ....do I do that often?
I ended up focusing on two scriptures. The first was the story of Gethsemane in Matthew's Gospel. My first wake up call came from verse 41;
""Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body in weak.""
Jesus is speaking to his disciples in the moments before Judas betrays him. He has asked them to do one simple thing - keep watch while he goes off to pray. When Jesus returns, he finds them all asleep. How would you feel if you were one of the disciples who had fallen asleep? Ashamed? Frustrated with your own weakness? Unworthy? That is exactly how I felt when I read that story. I put my head in my hands and began to pray with a passion I had not felt in a long while. I was so involved in my conversation with God that I did not hear my friend knock and try to say hello to me.
I was just like the disciples on that night. I was reading and praying every day, teaching the kids at my church at home what it looks like to be a Christian (without the 'stained glass masquerade), and really walking with God on such an intimiate level. Then I fell asleep for a short while. Tears streamed down my face as I asked God to help me wake up from the nap I had fallen in to.
The second scripture I turned to was the one I listed above from Luke 12. Yet another blow to my heart. I was running from the growing pains. I felt like God was entrusting me with more than I could handle. And instead of praying and reading more, I was trying to throw my hands up in the air and give up. I sincerely felt like Moses before the exodus from Egypt.
"Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."
-Exodus 4:12-13 NIV
Now I am in no way comparing myself to Moses, one of the greatest leaders in Jewish history. But I can certainly sympathize with the man. God is calling me to be more than who I am right now, and He had to wake me up from a nap to tell me that (sadly it isn't even the first time I have been aware of this plan). I'm going to be a musician and work with kids. That's where my passion lies. And I love that the kids come to me to talk about their faith and what's going on. They come to me because I am not afraid to be honest about my own life. I'm slowly dealing with everything I have been through in my life, and that makes me relateable. I've been where they are and now I understand what God was trying to teach me from those experiences. That's what they want and need to hear....someone who has been in the pits and come out of it by the grace of God.
Worship that night was the best it had been in a long time. God spoke to my heart, broke my barriers down and made me vulnerable before Him and the small group of friends present. I felt a call to just let go and lead as He tells me to lead. Quit worrying and don't be scared, because as Matthew 10:31 says, "you are worth more than many sparrows." God will take care of me no matter where my life takes me.
"Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."
-Ephesians 5:14b NIV
In closing, vulnerability is diffcult. And my fear is that so few church leaders are willing to go there. That sends a very disturbing message to our youth - 'suck it up and take it somewhere else.'
It's terribly sad to think that I have to hide my heart in God's house. How do we begin to heal our brokenness if we can't open up and lay it down at the Lord's feet? Most of my struggle with faith has been a direct result from shoving all of my deepest, darkest issues so far down that I couldn't see them. But as we all know, just because you can't see something doesn't mean that it's not there. I could feel my issues like a splinter pushed deep inside my skin, and pain like that can only be ignored for so long. Eventually the splinter has to come out...when we choose to allow that to happen determines how much and how long it will hurt.
-Luke 12:48b NIV
God is making me into a leader...and it's freaking me out. My most recent trip home to FCEC proved that to me, followed by a few more encounters in Greenville. This wasn't subtle like last January when, while driving back to Morgantown after leading worship at FCEC, God called me to pursue music ministry. The past week and a half has been a punch in the face from the Holy Spirit, telling me to wake up. I fell asleep by the end of January and I needed a wake up call. Wednesday night was the final blow....
I left Spartanburg around 5:40 for Greenville, a 30 minute drive from campus. I was supposed to meet a friend at Coffee Underground to just hang out and possibly work on music. By the time I got there and found a parking space, it was 6:20...40 minutes before senior high EYC started. My friend was no where to be found. Apparently we had a slight miscommunication in who was going to be where and when.
Sooooo I'm only human and to be honest I was pissed. I've been dying to write lyrics and music for months now, and so far we haven't done anything together. And even though I knew the no-show wasn't intentional, I bitterly walked back to my car and drove over to the church. My anger was still brewing inside, so I called a friend to have a quick chat before I went in to practice the worship set. I took a breath, pulled myself together, and walked in.
Within seconds of walking in to the room where my friends were practicing I knew I was still upset. And I couldn't hide it. There was no way I would be able to practice without dealing with what was going on first. So I did the level-headed thing...I picked up my Bible and walked out of the room while they continued to run through a song. I found a quiet room not too far away and opened up to the Gospels. I flipped through the underlined passages, looking for an answer. Why was I so angry about something so stupid? And why did I try to put on a happy face with my friends instead of talking about it? ....do I do that often?
I ended up focusing on two scriptures. The first was the story of Gethsemane in Matthew's Gospel. My first wake up call came from verse 41;
""Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body in weak.""
Jesus is speaking to his disciples in the moments before Judas betrays him. He has asked them to do one simple thing - keep watch while he goes off to pray. When Jesus returns, he finds them all asleep. How would you feel if you were one of the disciples who had fallen asleep? Ashamed? Frustrated with your own weakness? Unworthy? That is exactly how I felt when I read that story. I put my head in my hands and began to pray with a passion I had not felt in a long while. I was so involved in my conversation with God that I did not hear my friend knock and try to say hello to me.
I was just like the disciples on that night. I was reading and praying every day, teaching the kids at my church at home what it looks like to be a Christian (without the 'stained glass masquerade), and really walking with God on such an intimiate level. Then I fell asleep for a short while. Tears streamed down my face as I asked God to help me wake up from the nap I had fallen in to.
The second scripture I turned to was the one I listed above from Luke 12. Yet another blow to my heart. I was running from the growing pains. I felt like God was entrusting me with more than I could handle. And instead of praying and reading more, I was trying to throw my hands up in the air and give up. I sincerely felt like Moses before the exodus from Egypt.
"Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."
But Moses said, "O Lord, please send someone else to do it."
-Exodus 4:12-13 NIV
Now I am in no way comparing myself to Moses, one of the greatest leaders in Jewish history. But I can certainly sympathize with the man. God is calling me to be more than who I am right now, and He had to wake me up from a nap to tell me that (sadly it isn't even the first time I have been aware of this plan). I'm going to be a musician and work with kids. That's where my passion lies. And I love that the kids come to me to talk about their faith and what's going on. They come to me because I am not afraid to be honest about my own life. I'm slowly dealing with everything I have been through in my life, and that makes me relateable. I've been where they are and now I understand what God was trying to teach me from those experiences. That's what they want and need to hear....someone who has been in the pits and come out of it by the grace of God.
Worship that night was the best it had been in a long time. God spoke to my heart, broke my barriers down and made me vulnerable before Him and the small group of friends present. I felt a call to just let go and lead as He tells me to lead. Quit worrying and don't be scared, because as Matthew 10:31 says, "you are worth more than many sparrows." God will take care of me no matter where my life takes me.
"Wake up, O sleeper,
rise from the dead,
and Christ will shine on you."
-Ephesians 5:14b NIV
In closing, vulnerability is diffcult. And my fear is that so few church leaders are willing to go there. That sends a very disturbing message to our youth - 'suck it up and take it somewhere else.'
It's terribly sad to think that I have to hide my heart in God's house. How do we begin to heal our brokenness if we can't open up and lay it down at the Lord's feet? Most of my struggle with faith has been a direct result from shoving all of my deepest, darkest issues so far down that I couldn't see them. But as we all know, just because you can't see something doesn't mean that it's not there. I could feel my issues like a splinter pushed deep inside my skin, and pain like that can only be ignored for so long. Eventually the splinter has to come out...when we choose to allow that to happen determines how much and how long it will hurt.
Monday, January 7, 2008
What is wrong with us?
Here is a fact that some of you know but don't want to admit: you are screwed up.
We are all so messed up. Honestly, look at us. We lie to each other, we hurt each other over and over again, we say horrible things, we don't put others above ourselves, much less God. And why?
Why do I use sarcasm to hide what I really feel about someone? What gives me the right to say hurtful things to someone just because he hurt me? Why do I always say "good" when someone asks me how I am doing, even if I feel awful?
Fear.
I am so terrified to be myself. I don't want to let people in because I have been hurt in the past. That's the risk I take in getting to know people. I want to know them and I want them to know me...but they were probably just as scared as I was. We are scared to appear vulnerable to others that we guard ourselves with callous remarks and sarcasm. We don't want to have our hearts ripped to shreds again.
And everyone of us has had our heart broken in some way, so we are all equally screwed up. But when I am the victim, I forget that the person who hurt me is probably just as hurt as I am. And when I feel threatened I don't take the time to remember that.
Ephesians 4 provides a great model for how we should treat each other, especially in regard to conflict.
'Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.'
-Ephesians 4:25-32 NIV [italics added]
I am always struck by verses 26-27 that tell us not to sin even though we are angry. Our anger allows Satan to get a leg up on us and make us slaves to our emotions. Anger is so destructive to my spiritual life. How many nights have you spent lying in bed, frustrated with someone? I've wasted so much time stewing over frustrations. And verse 27 tells us to do something about our conflicts. Jesus says in Matthew 5:23-24 that even if we are offering a gift to the altar, if we have wronged someone we must make it right above all else. That is how important settling a conflict is; it takes precedence above everything else going on. But if meeting with the person isn't possible, the verse in Ephesians is telling us not to go to bed angry. Present your frustrations with this person to God. Pray for them and forgive them. Seriously! Then, and this is the hard part, let it go. LET IT GO! Trust that it is in God's hands and you don't need to keep stewing over it in your head. As I said earlier, I have wasted so much time replaying my anger in my head.
It is hard for me to write this because I am admitting openly that I am not perfect. Although, who is? I try to act like I have it all together because everyone else does it too. The truth is that we are all broken, messed up people.
The sooner you admit it and submit that piece of yourself to God, the sooner you allow Him to heal you.
'Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.'
-Ephesians 4:14-16
We are all so messed up. Honestly, look at us. We lie to each other, we hurt each other over and over again, we say horrible things, we don't put others above ourselves, much less God. And why?
Why do I use sarcasm to hide what I really feel about someone? What gives me the right to say hurtful things to someone just because he hurt me? Why do I always say "good" when someone asks me how I am doing, even if I feel awful?
Fear.
I am so terrified to be myself. I don't want to let people in because I have been hurt in the past. That's the risk I take in getting to know people. I want to know them and I want them to know me...but they were probably just as scared as I was. We are scared to appear vulnerable to others that we guard ourselves with callous remarks and sarcasm. We don't want to have our hearts ripped to shreds again.
And everyone of us has had our heart broken in some way, so we are all equally screwed up. But when I am the victim, I forget that the person who hurt me is probably just as hurt as I am. And when I feel threatened I don't take the time to remember that.
Ephesians 4 provides a great model for how we should treat each other, especially in regard to conflict.
'Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.'
-Ephesians 4:25-32 NIV [italics added]
I am always struck by verses 26-27 that tell us not to sin even though we are angry. Our anger allows Satan to get a leg up on us and make us slaves to our emotions. Anger is so destructive to my spiritual life. How many nights have you spent lying in bed, frustrated with someone? I've wasted so much time stewing over frustrations. And verse 27 tells us to do something about our conflicts. Jesus says in Matthew 5:23-24 that even if we are offering a gift to the altar, if we have wronged someone we must make it right above all else. That is how important settling a conflict is; it takes precedence above everything else going on. But if meeting with the person isn't possible, the verse in Ephesians is telling us not to go to bed angry. Present your frustrations with this person to God. Pray for them and forgive them. Seriously! Then, and this is the hard part, let it go. LET IT GO! Trust that it is in God's hands and you don't need to keep stewing over it in your head. As I said earlier, I have wasted so much time replaying my anger in my head.
It is hard for me to write this because I am admitting openly that I am not perfect. Although, who is? I try to act like I have it all together because everyone else does it too. The truth is that we are all broken, messed up people.
The sooner you admit it and submit that piece of yourself to God, the sooner you allow Him to heal you.
'Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.'
-Ephesians 4:14-16
Sunday, December 2, 2007
My Perfect Day
So we'll call this my first informal blog post. The past few weeks I have felt so convicted to write short devotionals instead of carrying on about what is going on in my life. In most cases those posts were directly related to a specific situation I was going through. And typing those out has been a sort of healing process for my heart. So thanks for reading and if you got something out of them as well, cool.
And now my day today...
When I think about it now today was kind of a perfect day for me. It's sort of what I want my life to look like when I finally graduate. I woke up this morning at 9 (not so great) which was remedied by a trip to Starbucks for some much needed caffeine (yessssss). Then I took the 35 minute commute to Greenville for church and such.
I was late for Sunday school, but it is a pretty laid back crowd of some college kids and a few older high schoolers. We were discussing James 1:19-27. The themes we talked about focused on living out the call of scripture and ridding ourselves of all the "pollution" thrown at us by the world.
'Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will blessed in what he does.'
-James 1:23-25 NIV
That is such a great bit of imagery from James. The point of reading scripture isn't just to read it so you can feel better. We are supposed to apply everything we read to our lives. So many Christians hide behind their 'faith facade' and think that they are covered. And even if we do apply it, that does not mean that things will be perfect in our lives. But we will be "blessed." John Piper talks about the different translations of the word 'blessed' in his book God is the Gospel. He uses the words 'happy' and 'joyful' to define the Greek word for blessed. I think there is a strong distinction between those two words. In this verse in James I am leaning towards the word 'joyful' to describe this blessing. While things in our lives may not be going the way we planned, we are still blessed because God is on our side. Joy, to me, is elation from within; happy seems to be a more external emotion.
Regardless of the details, the point is to live out what God is calling us to do. One of the women leading our discussion this morning threw out a wonderful line that, I will admit, I need to apply to my life:
"Be confident in what God called you to do."
At 11 I walked over to the chapel with Noah for the contemporary service. I love this church. Everyone is so friendly and there are always different events and studies for everyone going on. For the service we sat with Brian, one of the cool college interns at Christ Church. He also plays on the music team with us, and we recently decided to start writing music together. I love sitting with people who love to sing. It makes the worship so much more intense for me. Again, the theme in the Gospel reading was to live life in the way God intended us to live, always being ready for the day Jesus returns (Matthew 24:36-44).
After church Brian and I went to Coffee Underground, a really cool little independent cafe in downtown Greenville, for lunch and to try to write some music. I let him read some of my stuff and we talked a lot about our lyrical styles, where we get our inspiration, and kind of where our lives are now. He actually wanted me to talk about the stuff I had already written. This is something I have been dying to do for a very long time: talk about lyrics and write!
It was really the first time I had been able to spend time with him to get to know him. I always love hearing people's stories and having God-centered conversations. They have been so far and few between down here. We ate and started working on a new song. By the time Nate joined us at 2, the page was kind of a mess, but I'm really excited to see what happens with it. All three of us were throwing out ideas and sharing stories. Again, just part of my perfect day.
At 2:30 we had music team practice for Amazing Bible Race that evening. In the band was me (violin/vocals), Nate (guitar/vocals), Heather (vocals), Brandon (bass) and Noah (drums). With the exception of a few tangents (which was to be expected and were actually pretty fun) practice went really well. For once in the time I have played my violin, I felt like a part of the band. Nate kept communicating with me about what key we were in and where the song was going. He even suggested a lead part for me to play instead of the guitar. This practice was an answer to quite a few prayers from the previous weeks. We were worshipping together!
From 4 to 6 we had Amazing Bible Race large group and small group meetings. We played our worship set which was really wonderful, then we all talked about the readings from Exodus in the previous week. Joel pointed out some David Crowder Band inspiration in Exodus 8:10 (one of my favorite praise songs to sing). We focused mainly on the plagues God sent to help Moses convince the Pharaoh to...all together now...LET HIS PEOPLE GO!! I can't believe how ego-centric one man could be that he could witness all of those plagues and, for fear of losing his power, continue to say no, until the plague of the Firstborn. And even after the Israelites left, Pharaoh pursued them. It's crazy how power can go to some peoples heads...
Grace and I were the only ones there from our small group. We decided to read through the next day's readings, Exodus 15-16. Chapter 16 focused on the ever re-occurring theme in my life to trust God and His Word. Moses told the Israelites to only gather what manna they needed, but they still disobeyed. And that extra manna was reduced to maggots. Eww! Then even after Moses told them to gather two portions on the 6th day because of the Sabbath the next day, the Israelites went out on the Sabbath looking for manna. And DUH, there wasn't any! This just proves that when God says something, He means it.
We also talked about how selfish this world today can be. Grace's sons had been volunteering at a local homeless shelter and were so moved by the people they met and the things they saw. They told her that they wanted to change the world for these people. Some people are too afraid to see those kinds of things for fear that they will be changed by their experience. They don't want to admit their own selfishness and possibly give up the material things they covet. It's sad.
Then at 6 after everyone prayed and departed, I got to run through 'I'm So Sick' with Noah. I recently decided to audition for the Keynote summer project through cru. It's a music ministry project that sends 5 bands out to tour for 2 months and share the Gospel. In my audition tape I have to sing a rock song. When I told Sam about it, she screamed and said that I HAD TO sing a Flyleaf screaming song. And it just so happens I that have a karaoke track for 'I'm So Sick.' Noah is going to make my tape for me, so I wanted him to hear me sing/scream it just so he knew what to expect.
All I can say after running through it twice in front of Noah and Joel is that I am SOOOO EXCITED to make this tape!! My screaming is a lot stronger than it was this summer, and a lot less painful. Yay for vocal pedagogy, haha! Joel and Noah were head banging to it and they liked the way I sang/screamed it. They just said it was funny and scary to hear me scream, considering what they are familiar with from my voice. I really hope I get picked to do Keynote!
So I left Greenville tonight at about 6:40, drove back to Spartanburg, grabbed some Jimmy Johns for dinner (yummmmm), came back to my room, ate dinner, watched the BCS selection (still bitter about losing to Pitt...but WVU is going to the Fiesta Bowl, so its all good), starting watching the Steelers game (so far we are winning).....and then Bryan Lilly imed me to make my evening complete.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1dr0d-Rk-jo
This is quite possibly the COOLEST thing I have ever heard. This metal/classical band Judgement Day calls themselves "string metal." Their band consists of a violin, cello and drums. NO GUITAR. Seriously! I suspect that the violinist uses an effects pedal...hmm...haven't I been begging to use one in bands all year? I'm listening to their myspace and their music sounds so sweet. I would love to see these guys live and pick their brains. Speaking of which, their music video in the link above has zombies...come on, who doesn't like zombies?
So this was pretty much the coolest day I have had since coming down here. I had coffee, read scripture all day, wrote music, practiced with my band, hung out with some cool kids, performed one of my favorite Flyleaf songs, watched the Steelers, and fell in love with a string metal band.
God is so good to me.
And now my day today...
When I think about it now today was kind of a perfect day for me. It's sort of what I want my life to look like when I finally graduate. I woke up this morning at 9 (not so great) which was remedied by a trip to Starbucks for some much needed caffeine (yessssss). Then I took the 35 minute commute to Greenville for church and such.
I was late for Sunday school, but it is a pretty laid back crowd of some college kids and a few older high schoolers. We were discussing James 1:19-27. The themes we talked about focused on living out the call of scripture and ridding ourselves of all the "pollution" thrown at us by the world.
'Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will blessed in what he does.'
-James 1:23-25 NIV
That is such a great bit of imagery from James. The point of reading scripture isn't just to read it so you can feel better. We are supposed to apply everything we read to our lives. So many Christians hide behind their 'faith facade' and think that they are covered. And even if we do apply it, that does not mean that things will be perfect in our lives. But we will be "blessed." John Piper talks about the different translations of the word 'blessed' in his book God is the Gospel. He uses the words 'happy' and 'joyful' to define the Greek word for blessed. I think there is a strong distinction between those two words. In this verse in James I am leaning towards the word 'joyful' to describe this blessing. While things in our lives may not be going the way we planned, we are still blessed because God is on our side. Joy, to me, is elation from within; happy seems to be a more external emotion.
Regardless of the details, the point is to live out what God is calling us to do. One of the women leading our discussion this morning threw out a wonderful line that, I will admit, I need to apply to my life:
"Be confident in what God called you to do."
At 11 I walked over to the chapel with Noah for the contemporary service. I love this church. Everyone is so friendly and there are always different events and studies for everyone going on. For the service we sat with Brian, one of the cool college interns at Christ Church. He also plays on the music team with us, and we recently decided to start writing music together. I love sitting with people who love to sing. It makes the worship so much more intense for me. Again, the theme in the Gospel reading was to live life in the way God intended us to live, always being ready for the day Jesus returns (Matthew 24:36-44).
After church Brian and I went to Coffee Underground, a really cool little independent cafe in downtown Greenville, for lunch and to try to write some music. I let him read some of my stuff and we talked a lot about our lyrical styles, where we get our inspiration, and kind of where our lives are now. He actually wanted me to talk about the stuff I had already written. This is something I have been dying to do for a very long time: talk about lyrics and write!
It was really the first time I had been able to spend time with him to get to know him. I always love hearing people's stories and having God-centered conversations. They have been so far and few between down here. We ate and started working on a new song. By the time Nate joined us at 2, the page was kind of a mess, but I'm really excited to see what happens with it. All three of us were throwing out ideas and sharing stories. Again, just part of my perfect day.
At 2:30 we had music team practice for Amazing Bible Race that evening. In the band was me (violin/vocals), Nate (guitar/vocals), Heather (vocals), Brandon (bass) and Noah (drums). With the exception of a few tangents (which was to be expected and were actually pretty fun) practice went really well. For once in the time I have played my violin, I felt like a part of the band. Nate kept communicating with me about what key we were in and where the song was going. He even suggested a lead part for me to play instead of the guitar. This practice was an answer to quite a few prayers from the previous weeks. We were worshipping together!
From 4 to 6 we had Amazing Bible Race large group and small group meetings. We played our worship set which was really wonderful, then we all talked about the readings from Exodus in the previous week. Joel pointed out some David Crowder Band inspiration in Exodus 8:10 (one of my favorite praise songs to sing). We focused mainly on the plagues God sent to help Moses convince the Pharaoh to...all together now...LET HIS PEOPLE GO!! I can't believe how ego-centric one man could be that he could witness all of those plagues and, for fear of losing his power, continue to say no, until the plague of the Firstborn. And even after the Israelites left, Pharaoh pursued them. It's crazy how power can go to some peoples heads...
Grace and I were the only ones there from our small group. We decided to read through the next day's readings, Exodus 15-16. Chapter 16 focused on the ever re-occurring theme in my life to trust God and His Word. Moses told the Israelites to only gather what manna they needed, but they still disobeyed. And that extra manna was reduced to maggots. Eww! Then even after Moses told them to gather two portions on the 6th day because of the Sabbath the next day, the Israelites went out on the Sabbath looking for manna. And DUH, there wasn't any! This just proves that when God says something, He means it.
We also talked about how selfish this world today can be. Grace's sons had been volunteering at a local homeless shelter and were so moved by the people they met and the things they saw. They told her that they wanted to change the world for these people. Some people are too afraid to see those kinds of things for fear that they will be changed by their experience. They don't want to admit their own selfishness and possibly give up the material things they covet. It's sad.
Then at 6 after everyone prayed and departed, I got to run through 'I'm So Sick' with Noah. I recently decided to audition for the Keynote summer project through cru. It's a music ministry project that sends 5 bands out to tour for 2 months and share the Gospel. In my audition tape I have to sing a rock song. When I told Sam about it, she screamed and said that I HAD TO sing a Flyleaf screaming song. And it just so happens I that have a karaoke track for 'I'm So Sick.' Noah is going to make my tape for me, so I wanted him to hear me sing/scream it just so he knew what to expect.
All I can say after running through it twice in front of Noah and Joel is that I am SOOOO EXCITED to make this tape!! My screaming is a lot stronger than it was this summer, and a lot less painful. Yay for vocal pedagogy, haha! Joel and Noah were head banging to it and they liked the way I sang/screamed it. They just said it was funny and scary to hear me scream, considering what they are familiar with from my voice. I really hope I get picked to do Keynote!
So I left Greenville tonight at about 6:40, drove back to Spartanburg, grabbed some Jimmy Johns for dinner (yummmmm), came back to my room, ate dinner, watched the BCS selection (still bitter about losing to Pitt...but WVU is going to the Fiesta Bowl, so its all good), starting watching the Steelers game (so far we are winning).....and then Bryan Lilly imed me to make my evening complete.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1dr0d-Rk-jo
This is quite possibly the COOLEST thing I have ever heard. This metal/classical band Judgement Day calls themselves "string metal." Their band consists of a violin, cello and drums. NO GUITAR. Seriously! I suspect that the violinist uses an effects pedal...hmm...haven't I been begging to use one in bands all year? I'm listening to their myspace and their music sounds so sweet. I would love to see these guys live and pick their brains. Speaking of which, their music video in the link above has zombies...come on, who doesn't like zombies?
So this was pretty much the coolest day I have had since coming down here. I had coffee, read scripture all day, wrote music, practiced with my band, hung out with some cool kids, performed one of my favorite Flyleaf songs, watched the Steelers, and fell in love with a string metal band.
God is so good to me.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Give me the strength to do nothing
"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
- Psalm 46:10 NIV
This past weekend at the Saturday evening service at my home church I found myself praying something after communion that seemed odd to me.
'Lord, give me the strength to do nothing.'
It struck me so much that I had to write it down on paper as soon as I finished. It does seem rather peculiar upon first glance. Shouldn't I be asking God to give me the strength to do something, anything?! I thought a lack of action was a sign of resignation or giving up. What good will doing nothing bring?
The verse above from Psalm 46 gives a clearer picture to what I meant that evening.
(And I should start by clarifying that by doing 'nothing' I meant that I needed the strength to resist my urge to make an outward, controlling reaction to my situation. I wanted so desperately to be in control.)
I notice from time to time that my patience is not as strong as it could be. Yes, I can calmly handle an unexpected conversation with someone when I need to get some work done, but put me behind the wheel of my car in heavy traffic or in front of my computer when the internet is down and WHOA...I snap like a twig. Lately I have learned that in traffic I just need to breathe and put in a Veggie Tales mix from my friend Tracey, and that sometimes I just need to step away from the computer screen before my rage escalates any further (and my computer lives to see another day...for now).
But I do let my frustration get the better of me sometimes. In stressful and emotionally painful situations my first instinct is to 'fix it.' "Never mind that perseverance through times of trial leads to spiritual maturity, I just want everything to be ok NOW."
No matter how many different scenarios I run through my mind, none of them ever end up happening or making things better. They just keep me dwelling on the problem rather than its purpose.
So in this sense sometimes it is more difficult to sit back and do nothing. Don't say something you will regret, don't call and text repeatedly, don't talk to everyone you know about it...
...and above all else do NOT get in God's way. 'Be still' and know that God is in charge, NOT YOU. He is the creator of heaven and earth and you. He knows what you are going through and, believe it or not, He will carry you through it. It may take a long time and it may not be easy, but you will come out of it a stronger person if you allow God to work in you through the situation.
And the truth is that there is something you can do. Can you guess what it is?
Pray.
Yes, it is that 'simple.' Some people think that praying is almost as good as doing nothing. But prayer is powerful and speaks far more loudly and clearly than actions sometimes. We've all read the verse in Matthew about asking, seeking and knocking:
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
- Matthew 7:7-8 NIV
And again, we've read the story of the fig tree:
Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
- Matthew 21:21-22 NIV [italics added]
I could go on about the power of prayer (and I probably will in a later blog post), but I will come back to my prayer at the beginning. It does take a huge amount of strength for those of us with less patience to sit back and let God work. We feel that maybe our prayers aren't enough for the time being. We want to be used by God and needed by God. And we are! God does want us to love and serve him. We just need to be patient with his commands. And above all else we need to "pray continually(1 Thessalonians 5:17)."
Be still and know that He is God...
- Psalm 46:10 NIV
This past weekend at the Saturday evening service at my home church I found myself praying something after communion that seemed odd to me.
'Lord, give me the strength to do nothing.'
It struck me so much that I had to write it down on paper as soon as I finished. It does seem rather peculiar upon first glance. Shouldn't I be asking God to give me the strength to do something, anything?! I thought a lack of action was a sign of resignation or giving up. What good will doing nothing bring?
The verse above from Psalm 46 gives a clearer picture to what I meant that evening.
(And I should start by clarifying that by doing 'nothing' I meant that I needed the strength to resist my urge to make an outward, controlling reaction to my situation. I wanted so desperately to be in control.)
I notice from time to time that my patience is not as strong as it could be. Yes, I can calmly handle an unexpected conversation with someone when I need to get some work done, but put me behind the wheel of my car in heavy traffic or in front of my computer when the internet is down and WHOA...I snap like a twig. Lately I have learned that in traffic I just need to breathe and put in a Veggie Tales mix from my friend Tracey, and that sometimes I just need to step away from the computer screen before my rage escalates any further (and my computer lives to see another day...for now).
But I do let my frustration get the better of me sometimes. In stressful and emotionally painful situations my first instinct is to 'fix it.' "Never mind that perseverance through times of trial leads to spiritual maturity, I just want everything to be ok NOW."
No matter how many different scenarios I run through my mind, none of them ever end up happening or making things better. They just keep me dwelling on the problem rather than its purpose.
So in this sense sometimes it is more difficult to sit back and do nothing. Don't say something you will regret, don't call and text repeatedly, don't talk to everyone you know about it...
...and above all else do NOT get in God's way. 'Be still' and know that God is in charge, NOT YOU. He is the creator of heaven and earth and you. He knows what you are going through and, believe it or not, He will carry you through it. It may take a long time and it may not be easy, but you will come out of it a stronger person if you allow God to work in you through the situation.
And the truth is that there is something you can do. Can you guess what it is?
Pray.
Yes, it is that 'simple.' Some people think that praying is almost as good as doing nothing. But prayer is powerful and speaks far more loudly and clearly than actions sometimes. We've all read the verse in Matthew about asking, seeking and knocking:
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
- Matthew 7:7-8 NIV
And again, we've read the story of the fig tree:
Jesus replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."
- Matthew 21:21-22 NIV [italics added]
I could go on about the power of prayer (and I probably will in a later blog post), but I will come back to my prayer at the beginning. It does take a huge amount of strength for those of us with less patience to sit back and let God work. We feel that maybe our prayers aren't enough for the time being. We want to be used by God and needed by God. And we are! God does want us to love and serve him. We just need to be patient with his commands. And above all else we need to "pray continually(1 Thessalonians 5:17)."
Be still and know that He is God...
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