Sure and certain...not...

I have most definitely hit the mid-semester breakdown point. Spring break is 3 weeks away, but in those weeks I have so much work to get done. But that's not even what is stressing me out the most.
Honestly, I'm worried that I have no future.
Yes, that sounds ridiculous. Let me explain.

I am 0/2 for graduate school. Both Miami and UNC Greensboro turned me down for vocal performance, but I'm still waiting to hear from Southern for music ministry. Even if I get in, I don't know if I can afford to go. So what do I do if I don't go to graduate school?

Get a job.

Ok, fine. I know I need a job...but what do I do? I'm not experienced enough to run a youth ministry on my own, but another internship won't pay enough. Plus I want to do music. Even the thought of working somewhere without music makes me want to cry. I'm a strong believer in the idea that you should do what you love. Otherwise, what's the point? We're all gifted in different areas and we should use those gifts to glorify God. I was gifted musically...I love it...and I'm good at it. I'm not willing to settle on anything else. I'll never understand how some people can suppress their talents and desires just to make more money or have more security. I know I sound overly-optimistic when I say that. But I'm being honest...I do not want to compromise.
My greatest fear is that I will have to spend my life doing something I do not feel passionate about.

My faith tells me that I should not worry about what will happen tomorrow. God has plans for me, wonderful plans that I can't imagine. When I read those verses I feel stupid for ever worrying or doubting, but I still do. Some days it is hard to stay hopeful when everyone around is saying that you need to have a plan, a job, a boyfriend, a clear direction.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see." - Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Sigh...that verse always gets me. It also reminds me how weak my faith is at times like these. I actually told a friend last week that being a Christian is too hard sometimes. There is so much sacrifice and surrender involved when you try to live as Christ would have you live. The believing isn't the part I struggle with, it is the following without preconceptions or conditions.