You're so much more than you know

I haven't updated this thing in sooooo long. I guess I'll start with a short update on what's going on in my life...

1. I live in Louisville, KY. I moved here in August to go to Southern Baptist Theological Seminary to pursue a Masters in Music Performance with some ministry classes. Well, they dropped that program, so right now I only sing in an a capella group there called Doxology. It has pretty much been the only thing keeping me going on some days here.

2. I had three jobs and now I have two. When I moved here I started working as a hostess/singer at the Macaroni Grill and I had a church job as the alto soloist(section)/junior choir director. At the end of October I got a job working for PPG Porter Paint. I quickly realized that between the three on any given week I was working at least 50 hours. So I dropped the church job and cut back my hours at MG. Why quit?
The church I was working for was just not meeting my spiritual needs. There was no emphasis on the Gospel in the music we were singing and my directing job was more like daycare than musical & theological instruction. The music director was crazy and didn't seem to have passion for the Lord. So I left. Plus there was no young adult ministry which is a must for me right now.

3. I'm re-auditioning for Miami of Ohio next Saturday for their MM in Vocal Perf program. I study with a teacher there who has helped me develop my voice sooooo much. For the first time I can sing through pieces without thinking "wow, I suck." I didn't suck before, but my self-perception has always been way off. And now I'm not trying to sound like anyone or like a more mature version of myself...I sound like me. :)
I feel really good about my chance this year, but ultimately it isn't up to me. I've reached a point where I almost don't care, because I know it will work out for the better. It might take me a while to accept that if and when it happens, but I'll pull through. God has been good to me and I trust that He knows what He's doing with my life.

4. I have been trying to let the "graceful Diva" within out more and more. I have been walked over and ignored too many times to just keep smiling through the pain. The best way to deal with an issue is to set it out there in the open, dig it out, and allow God to heal it. I'm embracing the fact that I am a daughter of the Most High King and that I deserve to be treated as such. Anyone who doesn't "get" that needs some serious sanctification...


Flyleaf came out with a new cd in November titled Momento Mori. One of the songs, Set Apart This Dream, says what I believe every girl needs to hear:

Close your eyes little girl
You're a princess now
You own this world
Twirling in your twirly dress
You're the loveliest far above the rest

You build your castles in the skies
And stars reflecting off your eyes
And angels sing on silver clouds
And no one cries screams or shouts

Oh set apart this dream
Oh set apart this dream for me
Set apart this dream for me

Close your eyes pretty girl
'Cause its easier when you brace yourself
Set your thoughts on a world far off
Where we only cry from joy

Oh set apart this dream
Oh set apart this dream for me
Set apart this dream for me

Oh lovely and beautiful
Precious and priceless
You're so much more than you know
Heart of the purest gold
Pure clean and white as snow
Clothed in such splendor
Oh what a beauty for me

Set apart this dream
Set apart this dream

Oh set apart this dream
Oh set apart this dream for me
Set apart this dream for me

You didn't come this far just to be plundered here
Tie up the ropes in pure strength
Sleep in this haven, the King holds your favor
With love much greater than you dreamed


I love the last line of the outro to the song. We are priceless and we are loved by a King whose love is so much greater than anything we could dream. This song makes me cry every time I hear it. I think that it just speaks to that little girl in me who just wants to wear a twirly skirt and spin around. That WAS me as a kid!

And I want to get that back...the understanding that I am lovely, beautiful, precious and priceless.

Feel like a Monster

I'm currently sitting in Panera with a cup of coffee, borrowing their internet because I do not have wireless in my apartment yet. I moved to Louisville, KY a little over a week ago and I'm still trying to get adjusted. I got a job at the Macaroni Grill as a hostess/singer for nights and weekends. Most likely I'll be getting a second job to help pay my bills and such. SBTS raised their tuition to $410 per credit hour for non-SBC members, so needless to say I will not be taking anything other than ensembles for now. Why no Anglican love? Come on!

When I get said internet I will update this more frequently. I survived BFC this summer and I will most definitely be posting stories. For now I'm just trying to finish unpacking and getting used to living in a new city with lots of new people. I won't lie, I hate starting over. You would think I would be used to it by now, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Someday maybe I'll get somewhere I fit in...but for now I'm here in Kentucky trying to figure out how to do what I love and more importantly what God loves. Right now, that's music.

Oh, and I cannot wait for Skillet's new cd to come out in 3 days. One of the tracks is called 'Monster' and it is freakin SWEET!! Check it out: http://www.myspace.com/skilletmusic
I relate to the feeling sometimes...whether its feeling like what I've done before is so ugly or that I just feel like I don't fit in. Story of my life...but that's ok. I play the violin with distortion. :)