Let nothing move you.

The question that keeps coming to mind when I think about the way this summer has been going for me is:

What am I going to do with my life and how are my choices today affecting it?

I'm headed into my 5th and final year of my undergraduate studies in vocal performance (I know, crazy right?!). This will also be my first year as a "returning student" which means I have to move myself in...no orientation staff to carry everything in for me. Haha! It will be interesting to see what happens in terms of fellowship when I'm surrounded by the same set of people for more than a year. I'm over the whole 'chick school' thing. I want more than surface level connections with these girls. Surface relationships don't last...hence the last 4 years and the few friendships that have lasted along the way. I cherish the lasting ones so much.

So will it be music minister, opera singer, rock star, or a fusion of all 3? I know that ultimately I shouldn't worry about tomorrow...I get it...mist...thanks James! But looking at all the things I love to do, I wonder how they are going to come together. If I could do anything I wanted and start it right now, I would probably form a band of Jesus-loving rock musicians and go write and record music and play sweet gigs at little places like Mr. Smalls in Millvale, PA (def one of the coolest concert venues I've ever been to).

Instead I'm at home reading, playing with my dog, watching tv, attempting to repair the broken youth group at my church, or trying to find places to practice my recital rep. Basically I feel like I'm not doing anything meaningful with my life this summer. Along with the aforementioned stuff, I work one night a week at a local restaurant doing laundry. It's very exciting. I convinced myself that I couldn't do anything else in terms of work because of my trips to Spartanburg, SC. Looking back I probably could have found something with more hours. What can I say? I am queen of the procrasti-nation.

So far this summer I have finished reading:
Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes
A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson (honestly, I got bored and skimmed through)
Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne
The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs
Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
Sex God by Rob Bell

Obviously there's a theme here. I've been focusing on "Christian" books because I wanted to explore what years of youth group never taught me. Rob Bell's books have been the most intriguing for me. It's easy for me to follow his train of thought and his work made me want to go out and read more. He makes me want to study church history and keep asking questions. I got burned out pretty quickly from all the Episcopal Church drama and trying to pick up the pieces of the youth group at FCEC, and Bell's books have addressed some of my issues with the church. Basically I know I'm not alone.

I just don't want to look back on these years and think, "I could have done so much more. I wish I had just trusted God more and gone for it." How much would that suck?

I want to go deeper.
I want to be challenged.
I want to be LOUD.
I want to question and learn and be broken down and rebuilt.
I want to love the way Jesus does.


"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."
- 1 Corinthians 15:58 NIV