Friday, January 30, 2009

Unexpected and Enticing

I found a new band that anyone who actually reads this blog should check out. They're called Article One. They're from London, Canada and have opened for Newsboys and Superchick. They have obvious influences from the Newsboys and MuteMath (one of the members of MuteMath produced their newest album), so the mixing is amazing. But my favorite thing about this band is the violin. You can actually hear him (Matt Piche) on every song, live and recorded, and he totally rocks out live. I just got back from seeing them play live in Butler, PA. I'm always inspired by artists who are trying to do something new. So check them out!

That being said...I really miss playing in a band. I have my violin with 3 effects pedals, a guitar, and now a mandolin, all of which I never get to use. It kills me on nights like this when I feel so inspired to create music but I have no avenue to do so. Watching the violinist in Article One made me want to pick up my violin and just start playing around. This part of me is just dying to get out. But Christ Church dissolved the youth band, Habbakuk will probably remain inactive, Brian and I can't seem to make our schedules mesh, and I'm an "opera singer" who listens to metal and alternative Christian music...where will an opportunity present itself? When?

I feel like I'm holding back a huge part of who I am while I wait to figure out what's next.

I'm so sick of waiting and being forced to squeeze into a mold that wasn't made for me. What if I'm not just a worship musician? An opera singer? A performer? A youth ministry assistant? Everyone wants me to pick, to define myself, to choose a peg hole to fit into. But in the process I'm losing chunks of myself...literally like forcing a square peg into a round hole. Sometimes I worry that I've already sacrificed so much of myself over the years that I'm no longer Louise. What if I'm just this conglomeration of other people's opinions and desires?

It's so hard to stand alone and try to be the unique mess God made you to be. I'm learning that not everything can be placed into a neat little box. The thing I really like about Article One's mixing is that it doesn't sound precise or even. The sound and effects have this give and take that makes the music sound a little gritty yet smooth. Your ear is always hearing something unexpected.

...I guess that's what I want my life to look like. A little unexpected and gritty, but smooth and enticing all in one. That's the whole idea of being the salt and light of the world...my life verses.


"You are the salt of the earth, but if that salt loses it's saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world..."
-Matthew 5:13-14 NIV


I'm a follower of Jesus, the ultimate mold-breaker.

Monday, January 5, 2009

He will not let your foot slip

Growing up sucks. I'm 23 and on the verge of stepping out of the undergraduate bubble I have been in for the past 5 years. I have to rely less on my parents and more on myself. I am blessed to have a family that has been able to provide for me along the way while also encouraging me to me self sufficient. There is no way I could have attended college without them and I am not ashamed of that level of dependency. But things are changing...and I got a huge reality check today.

My dad informed me on my 23rd birthday that I was no longer covered under the family's health insurance plan (yeah I know, happy birthday to me). That might not be such a big deal if I did not have a chronic illness that requires 6 prescriptions every month. For the last 6 years as a diabetic my co-pays for prescriptions have been very low. But today when I went to pick up 2 of them I had to pay the full price. I had to go outside, sit in my car and cry for about 10 minutes on the phone with my mom.

Let me explain why I freaked out. For these 2 particular prescriptions with my old insurance copay, I would have paid $10 total. Today I had to pay $145. That was for the 2 "cheapest" prescriptions I pick up once a month. Hence why I had to step outside. How am I going to afford these for the rest of my life (or until they cure type 1 diabetes) on a musician's/ministry salary?
For the next few months my parents are going to pay for my separate health insurance out of pocket, but soon I'll have to find a way to pay for it myself. I'm terrified. I don't know what I'm going to do. All of these "what ifs" are swirling around in my head. I'm not ready to be an adult. I want to move on but I am so scared to do it.

What if I fail?

The only thing that has kept me going is knowing that I serve a God who is good. God is faithful, always. God is constant and persistent. He will never leave me and He will never desert me. I am doomed to fail without Him...which means I cannot fail.


"I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

-Psalm 121 NIV


"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have,
because God has said,
"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
So we say with confidence,
"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?""
-Hebrews 13:5-6 NIV


"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:33-34 NIV

Pray for me and pray that I take the passages above to heart.
God is good, all the time.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Concert/Reading List 2008 & Social Temptation

Concerts I got to see in 2008:
David Crowder Band
Winter Jam (Skillet, MercyMe, Barlow Girl, Mandisa, and Newsong)
Shane & Shane w/ Bethany Dillon and Starfield
Casting Crowns w/ Leeland and Ruth
Sanctus Real
Warped Tour '08 (Anberlin, Relient K, Family Force 5)
Relient K w/ Ludo
Judgement Day w/ Dredg (SOOOO AMAZING!!!)
Winter Wonder Slam (TobyMac, Family Force 5, Relient K)

Books I can remember reading in 2008:
Genesis-Esther (with ABR I read through the first 17 books of the Bible)
Jesus for President by Shane Claiborne & Chris Haw
Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell
Sex God by Rob Bell
Jesus Wants to Save the Christians by Rob Bell & Don Golden
The Year of Living Biblically by A.J. Jacobs
Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes
The Shack by William P. Young
Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
The Believer's Guide to Spiritual Warfare by Thomas B. White
God is the Gospel by John Piper
Postmodern Youth Ministry by Tony Jones
Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
And I re-read:
Captivating by Staci & John Eldredge
Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss


When I look at that list of books I'm kind of taken aback. I know I've never read that much in one year, and that stuff isn't all fluffy reading. That's exciting! The concerts were all great too, especially Anberlin and seeing Relient K 3 times! I love going to concerts to worship, dance, and just rock out. Most of these were especially great because I got to go with some of the youth group kids from Christ Church and FCEC. I loved being able to share my love for music with them.

God has been so constant in my life. Whether I "felt" on fire for Him or distant, He was always there with me. The world will always tell me that anything but God is the answer. He is not popular in most of my social circles, even those that include some "Christians." The temptation is to choose the easy joke, the gossip, the harmless sarcastic remark, the norm of the group.
But...
"People never crumble in a day. It's a slow fade..." - Slow Fade by Casting Crowns
I was reminded recently by a sermon I heard at the Allegheny Center Alliance Church why I must resist these temptations. When I said "yes" to God, I was changed. My old self died and I was reborn in Christ. That is a HUGE change. And those around me who have not gone through that change do not understand it in the least. It makes them uncomfortable. I am uncomfortable too. But my life does not revolve around my comfort, and I can't keep trying to figure out a way to make everyone else comfortable. I cannot serve both God and man.

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good."
-Titus 2:11-14 NIV

We live by the highest standards because we serve a higher power. We will fall short every time...but our God is constant, and He loves us even in our brokenness. I am blessed beyond my wildest hopes and dreams.
I pray that God will continue to help me grow and bring me closer to Him.

Wherever, whenever, whatever...it is all for God's glory.